when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
