I want to stick my p in your. b.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
