Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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