...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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