If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
