they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
