So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
