If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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