Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
