Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
