if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
