he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
