so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
