is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
