I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
