I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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