last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
