I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was like eating out sand paper
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
