She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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