Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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