The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
