I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
