Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
