I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
