I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
