U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize