Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well I just put wine in my tea
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
