So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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