My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we made out on top of his cat.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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