wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
