wakey wakey hands off snakey
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
