need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
