I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
