break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
