It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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