No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
