They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
