Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
