Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize