Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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