So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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