don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We left an ass print on the piano.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
