I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
