I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
