VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
