i was born a porn star she said
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
