My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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