Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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