You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
look no pants
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
