I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
