dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
