There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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