so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
