why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
