Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
