the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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