Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
