If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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