It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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