I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
