just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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