I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
