Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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