pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
