Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
