Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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