I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
